As per my previous post, I have been culling, culling, CULLING: LIKE DEFRA ON SPEED. But instead of badgers, it’s PLASTIC CRAP and instead of speed it’s quite a lot of coffee. I should also take this moment to note that nobody at DEFRA is doing speed, well maybe they are, I don’t know but perhaps individually rather than as an organisation en masse.
Anyway, I digress. I have been getting rid of lots and lots of crap, not actually just plastic crap but ALL the crap; clothes I have hung on to “incase I put the weight back on” (after many years of struggling with my weight, I find it hard to believe that I have shed quite a bit and managed to keep it off for a prolonged period of time. Don’t get me wrong, Christmas wasn’t kind, I have a fair proportion of pie stuck around my middle and my jeans are uncomfortably tight but I haven’t gone up a size or anything, just you know, standard Christmas weight gain. Anyway, I digress, again); a pair of workmen’s boots that David once wore down a mine in Australia and insisted on hanging on to for the last five years, I can only assume because they make him feel manly or something, I prised them from his hands and said “No! NO! ENOUGH! YOUR MANLINESS IS WITHIN YOU. YOU MUST GO FORTH INTO A FOREST FOR A NIGHT AND SEEK IT. NO YOU CAN’T TAKE YOUR WASHBAG OF KIEHL’S FACIAL PRODUCTS WITH YOU, WHERE WILL YOU USE THEM IN A FOREST?!” Sorry, digressed again; and yes, just an awful lot of PLASTIC CRAP of the children’s. At one point David questioned why I wasn’t culling my book collection but I transmogrified into a Gollumesque creature and scared him away from my precious. Cull a book collection indeed, it’s no wonder one of his teachers once called him a cultural cripple.
Anyway, I have a wonderful method of de-crapping, which I want to share with you now. You may have heard of the KonMari method, where you hug something and if it sparks joy, you keep it and if it doesn’t, you thank it and send it on its merry way (where it sits in the boot of your car for six months, being driven around awaiting delivery to the charity shop). Well, i’m not a hugger so i’m not going to start walking around my house hugging inanimate objects when i’m hard pressed to give the living things a squeeze, so instead, I survey the room and if something immediately gives me a feeling of irritation, I point to it and say ‘YOU! YOU ARE PISSING ME OFF!’ and then I shove it in a bin bag. It really is ever so uplifting. The wonderful thing is, that you can use it in all areas of your life, though be sensible about the bin bag, you can’t go around shoving people in bin bags, it’s frowned upon. And don’t do it to DEFRA, they really don’t take to it well but then that could just be the speed.