Lockdown is softened by a run of the most gorgeous weather, allowing us to be outside most of the time which makes having the boys at home so much easier. However with warm weather come flies and one morning I walk in to find David loitering in the kitchen. This has become his place for loitering. I am not used to him being here ever so his loitering feels particularly apparent but i’m not sure, do normal married couples have this? I mean people whose husband works from the same place and is home every evening at a reasonable time, do you feel like they loiter in your space or are you just used to them being there?
He’s looking into the air around him like a cat following a laser.
‘What are you doing?’ I ask.
‘There’s a lot of those little fruit flies around’ he says batting the air in front of him. David is obsessed with flies, when we lived in Australia he became like a sort of fly killing ninja , it was quite impressive to be fair. He would wage war on the blow flies; swatter in one hand and a pack of antibacterial wipes in the other, deftly squashing them and then quickly wiping up the maggoty mess.
‘Yes. They like the coffee drip tray. If you empty it and wash it, they will go away.’
A few moments later I turn to see him pouring a glass of wine.
‘What ARE you doing?! It’s 11am, bit early. Besides that’s cooking wine.’
‘It’s not for me, it’s for the flies’ he says.
‘What?!’ I say.
‘Well, i’m going to trap the flies in this wine glass because I always get flies in my wine, they obviously like a drink.’
‘For God’s sake, if you just empty the coffee drip tray they will go.’
‘I’m going to wait and see what happens with the wine.’
The unit with the coffee machine is cluttered and needs a good clear up, I just haven’t had a chance since lockdown so I decide now is the time. David returns fifteen minutes later to check on his wine and finds everything on the floor whilst I am balanced on the unit cleaning the fronts of the top cupboards.
‘Ooh you’re busy!’ he says ‘No flies in here yet.’
He leaves the room again. It’s funny how he’s always loitering except when he could actually do something useful.
I put everything back and finally empty and wash the drip tray of the coffee machine.
‘Still no flies in this glass’ David says later coming in to inspect the glass.
‘ I wonder if I should try a different wine. Maybe they’d like something more expensive.’
‘NO!’ I say.
‘Actually there’s no flies now’ he says, looking around ‘whatever you did obviously worked.’
‘I cleaned the drip tray.’
‘There’s a fly in my wine!’ David says ‘I told you they prefer the expensive stuff. Bastards.’